Sometimes I’m An Asshole – How To Be Kind On Your Bad Days

I have days where EVERYTHING pisses me off.

For a while I became accustomed to a real “vigilante” way of thinking.  A belief that people need to do the right thing or they should be punished for it.  

Someone cuts you off in traffic? Speed up and cut THEM off.  Honk. Give ‘em the finger.  Don’t let them get away with that behaviour.  Teach them a LESSON.

Now, I fight the urge to fight because it makes me feel awful.  My heart pounds, my blood boils, my vision narrows to where nothing else matters but TEACHING THAT PERSON A LESSON.  

For what?

Odds are, I’ve taught them nothing.  I’ve endangered myself for absolutely no reason.

Now, we DO need people who want to right the wrongs. These people are some of the most devoted friends we will ever have and will rush to your rescue when things go south. 

But it’s how we fight that matters.  Right the wrongs but don’t try to settle the score.   For your OWN good and for the sake of your OWN health and peace.  I often ask myself “do I want to be right or do I want an easy life?”.

Nevertheless, sometimes I’m an asshole and on those days, acts of kindness aren’t going to come from me.

On those days, letting shit go is the kindest thing to do.

On those crappy days, try the art of NON-ACTION.

Spouse grating on your last nerve?  Go for a walk by yourself, suggest a game of cards or watch a 30 minute show together.

Children acting up?  Acting out?  Whining?  Calling your name over and over and bless their hearts but JESUS WILL YOU GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES PEACE?  Go to bathroom, open a window, give yourself a 5 minute time-out.

Line ups too long?  Traffic a nightmare?  Feel yourself spiraling into a negative thought cycle?

Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method of calming down.

Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.   The last two are tricky.  

This distracts our hamster-wheel brains and puts the focus on something else.  It halts the negative thought cycle.

It also works for panic attacks.  More on that later.

Good shit I did this week: I didn’t lay on the horn when I got blocked in my parking spot

 

4 Replies to “Sometimes I’m An Asshole – How To Be Kind On Your Bad Days”

  1. I’m so grateful for this. I have a very intense desire for “justice” and too often I am the only one affected by it (and not in a good way). Thanks for giving me some perspective.

    1. It’s definitely how I was raised. For a while I couldn’t let anything go. Anything. Reading “The Four Agreements” was life changing for me. Do a quick google search of “Don Miguel Ruiz” quotes.

  2. I find it very hard to let go. I am by nature a very black and white person. There is wrong and there is right, and when you do something wrong you need to be called out on it, fix it or be punished. Thank you for writing this.

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